


Blackbird

by Achrya



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Daryl Has Issues, Everyone Has Issues, Infidelity, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Poor Daryl, Possessive Rick, Rick and Shane are bad for his mental health, Rick is a dick, Shane Being an Asshole, Shane Lives, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-08
Updated: 2015-06-23
Packaged: 2018-04-03 11:25:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4099249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Achrya/pseuds/Achrya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daryl overhears something he wasn’t meant to at the CDC and, after taking an offer to stay the night, he finds himself stuck between Rick and Shane, drawn into a relationship that is volatile at best and might get someone killed at worst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Love is Patient, Love is Kind

**Author's Note:**

> Man. I don’t know. I was working on my other story and the idea of what might have come before was just too alluring. My plan for now is to go through the story arcs and fit Shane in, changing events accordingly. But first! First we gonna lay down some backstory to explain how Shane and Rick get to the point we find them at! Everyone loves backstory right? ...no? Whelp. Awkward.

When Shane was 6 his father died; at the time people told him was an accident but he eventually figured out it was a drug overdose. He didn’t know his parents well enough to mourn the man and, honestly, he found the whole funeral thing kind of strange but his grandmother insisted he go, said it was the proper thing to do when you lost family and if he knew nothing else he knew you didn’t argue with his grandmother.

His mother was there but it had been two years since she’d last come by and her hair was dyed black, her skin was tan and pockmarked, and she was a tiny frail thing with big eyes and bruises on her face and arms. He had to sit next to her, another thing his grandmother demanded, but she didn’t say anything to him. She looked at him once, with foggy watery eyes, and he shrank back into the comforting arms of the only family he really knew.

She would slink out at some point and he’d never see her again. He assumed she’d died like his father had or maybe she’d somehow make it through the next twenty years and get eaten by walkers. There were letters and postcards occasionally, until he was in his mid-twenties, but not much to go on.  

That’s the day he meets Rick Grimes. Rick’s dad was a King County Deputy and had gone to school with Shane’s parents. He’d tried to get them into rehab a time or two, in the name of old friendships, but it never stuck. Shane supposed he came to the funeral because he regretted being unable to do more to put his friend on the straight and narrow. It didn’t matter really, what mattered is that he brought his wife and son with him and when the service was over he brought them over to say their condolences and speak to his grandmother.

Shane was behind his grandmother, tired and unsure with all the people coming to say they were sorry to him, as if at six he understood what they were apologizing about or had any passing idea what death was actually about. She wrapped an arm around his shoulder and pulled him forward, introducing him to a blue eyed boy about his age. She told him Rick would be in his first grade class that coming fall and suggested they go outside together and play while the adults talked.

Rick had looked just as bored as he was and the idea of getting away from all these people sounded pretty good so outside they’d gone. Shane couldn’t recall what they’d done out there but he’d knew by the time Rick’s father had come to collect him that he’d thought he’d thought Rick was the best thing in the world. He’d asked if Rick could come play with him at his house and Rick’s father had agreed right away.

Shane would find out years later that Rick’s mother was less okay with the idea of her only son making friends with the child of two junkies, even if that child was only six. Mr. Grimes had made it happen anyway, showed up to pick up Shane early one morning and took them to the pool and to lunch then back to the Grimes home to watch movies and stay the night.

Rick was his best, and occasionally, only friend after that. They weren’t exactly the same kind of people. Shane lived in a tiny house on the outskirts of everything, his grandmother worked double shifts at the hospital most nights, and he stayed with a woman down the street who watched a bunch of kids not exactly legally but fairly cheap. Rick lived in the town proper in a house twice as big as Shane’s and his mom was always home, ready with a snack and to go over his homework and frown at Shane when he came around.

When Shane was 10 the woman who watched him let her daughter move back in. She was older, early thirties maybe, and nice to Shane where most adults couldn’t be bothered to look at him and see anything but his father, the hometown boy who’d killed himself with drugs. He didn’t think much of her, beyond that she snuck him extra snacks on occasion, until the day her mother went out and left her in charge. She sent the other kids to bed then called Shane to her bedroom.

She gave him candy and booze, put on movies with people doing things he knew about distantly, from hearing older kids talk, and laid next to him on the bed. He remembered distinctly the sound of her laughing at him while he coughed on the booze and the way she’d watched him watch the movies, a strange smile on her face, and the way she’d rolled over on top of him, holding him down easily and shushing him when he got scared and tried to squirm away.

That was how he spent his nights for two years, until the woman got married and moved away.

Sometimes he thought maybe the whole thing messed him up and other times he thought he’d been lucky to have someone like that, an older beautiful woman, take an interest in him. When other boys his age were lusting after their friend’s moms and sisters he’d been banging the hot chick down the street.

Adults would talk about how he seemed to know too much, was too grown for a kid his age, and insist that there was something wrong with him. Grandma Jean wouldn’t hear any of that of course; she was a good woman and did the best she could by Shane but she turned a blind eye to his faults just like she’d done with his father.

By the time he was 13 he was getting in fights, lashing out at kids who teased him about his parents, and had a string of pretty girls at his beck and call. Girls liked him, called him cute and mature, and he liked girls. They were soft and warm and with a little convincing and some nice words he could convince them to give up what he was after.  

Rick stayed by his side, defended him and fought with him and shielded him from the anger of Mr and Mrs Grimes and even ran interference when the girls came around, angry at whatever he’d done this time. Rick was considered a ‘good guy’ by all accounts; kind to kids, animals, and old ladies, did his homework and got good grades, made his parents proud, the whole nine yards. He was like something out of a fucking book or movie, and Shane was his friend from the wrong side of town who just needed help and a safe place to be a better person.

Except Rick’s parents were uncomfortable with him in their home so there was no safe place to be found there and Shane wasn’t looking for help. He figured he was fine as he was, kept a smiling face for Rick and Grandma Jean and it wasn’t like someone was beating him or he was going hungry or shooting up. He liked to fight and he liked to fuck.  

Started playing football in his second year of highschool, since it seemed to be a way to hit people without getting in trouble, and Rick followed along and it was alright. He kept his grades up to stay on the team, cut back on the girls. Rick joked it was because Shane had already made his way through their entire class and half the PTA but really it was because his interest was elsewhere.

On Rick, specifically. Not like Rick was the first guy to catch his eye, far from it actually, but rather Rick was the first guy he figured he could make a move on without getting punched in the face or it being all over the school by the next morning. Beyond that Rick was far from unattractive. Nice body, bright blue eyes, curly brown hair, and a smile always ready for Shane. Plus they were friends, best friends, and Rick was always there for him. Didn’t matter how much trouble people said Shane was, or how much trouble he proved to be, Rick was always there.

When they were 16 they started spending those stupidly hot and sticky summer afternoons sitting around in Rick’s room, drinking beer they’d liberated from the fridge Mr. Grimes kept in the garage. It wasn’t the first time and Shane kind of suspected Rick’s father was aware but they never left the house while drinking and kept quiet and it seemed that was enough to keep Mr. Grimes from confronting them.

And one of those afternoons Shane, slightly buzzed and feeling entirely too hot, reached over, dragged his friend over, and kissed him. It was warm and dry, tasted like beer and sweat, and it was slow and nice and a bunch of shit Shane didn’t think kissing could be.

Then they’d actually fought, throwing punches, Rick losing his shit and Shane being Shane and thus full of mockery and laughter because that was just what he did. He’d left, angry, afraid, and sure that his one real friendship was over. But in the end Rick was Rick and he’d been in his room the next day, letting Shane show him a few things.

Sometimes it was nice and slow, like that first kiss, and sometimes Shane was angry for no real reason at all except that he was always angry and so it was violent and furious and a lot like fighting and that had a certain charm all it’s own. He didn’t get the with any of the girls he’d been with, had never thought to try it and then he was fooling around with Rick and content with that. He fought less, almost never, because it annoyed Rick and got him in trouble with the football coaches and he had Rick willing to knock him on his ass when necessary

When he was 17 Rick started dating Lori. She wasn’t Rick’s first girlfriend, not even the first since they’d started fooling around, but there was something about her that was different. She was a friend already and she was loud, brash, and had a smart fucking mouth; Rick had a type, that was for damn sure.

Shane liked her and hated that he liked her. It would have been easier, so much easier, to just hate her but he couldn’t. Sometimes they hung out, just the two of them while Rick was off doing other stuff, and he actually felt bad about fucking her boyfriend, even though Rick was his and had been his first.

He knew Rick felt bad about it as well, felt bad on both ends. Sometimes Rick would talk about leaving Lori, sometimes he’d talk about breaking it off with Shane, but he never managed to actually do either. Shane was never sure what it was; if Rick was just too damn soft to break someone’s heart or too selfish to give up his pretty parent approved girlfriend or his secret fuck buddy.

It was a pretty sweet deal when Shane really thought about.

When they were 20 and moseying through community college Rick told him Lori was pregnant and that he was going to ask her to marry him.

Shane transferred colleges and was living in Atlanta by the next semester. His mother’s family, distant figures he couldn’t recall ever meeting, helped with the money, pleased he wouldn’t be following the path of his parents.  He came back when Carl was born and the first time he’d held the squealing bundle and looked down he’d known he’d love the kid more than anything else in the world.

Not enough to stay and watch the happy family play out, but enough to visit on occasion and stick to his resolve where Rick was concerned. They were friends, brothers, but nothing more.

He met a guy in class. Skinny tiny thing, kind of feminine, with curly blond hair and sly green eyes and a mouth that deserved songs written about it. He was sweet, almost obscenely so, and liked his men a little mean, rough around the edges, and willing to leave bruises. He taught Shane how to tie knots for the purpose of tying him to the bed, how to choke carefully, and how to swing a belt or a flogger without breaking the skin.

Not the most conventional of things to learn in college but it kept things fun.

He brought the guy home for Rick’s wedding, in which he acted as best man. People talked, Rick looked sour, and Shane told himself he didn’t care. But he did care, cared way too much. Cared so much that it ate away at him and kept him up at night and made him drink sometimes to chase it away.

When he was 22 Rick told him he was joining the sheriff's department and that there was another opening, entrance level, and there was no one he’d want at his side more than Shane. He called Rick a selfish asshole, accused him of being jealous and Rick had, after a pause, quietly agreed and then asked him to please come home.

So he went back. Joined up. Stayed at Rick’s side like he asked because he was an idiot. Turned out he liked the job well enough. Liked the people he was working with. Didn’t hate being home. Was close to his grandmother, finally able to let her stop working so damn much. Enjoyed being close to Carl and Lori and the elder Grimes’. Dated a few girls.

Never any guys.

Hated himself. Hated Rick. Hated them together. Never said no.

It wasn’t all bad, of course. When his grandmother passed Rick was there, spent day and night with him and slept in his bed but only to curl around Shane and offer comfort. When his mother sent that last postcard from Maryland Rick went with him on the fruitless roadtrip to see if they could track her down and he hadn’t complained once. When Rick and Lori fought and Rick crashed at his place he never said anything about leaving Lori, never made him any promises about them being together one day, never called him anything more than his best friend.

Some of the best moments in Shane’s life were after he’d come back home, just shooting the shit with Rick or taking Carl out places as the ‘fun uncle’, or sitting around at dinner with the Grimes’ family. He got good at dealing with his guilt and anger and locking it away so he could live his life without looking in Lori’s eyes or ruffling Carl’s hair or waking up to find Rick had left before the sun even came up and breaking apart.

When Rick was shot Shane felt like his world had ended. He came by the hospital every day, sat at Rick’s bedside every day and waited. Hoped. He tried not to think about what a life without Rick would be like, but sometimes found himself looking out the window and wondering if there’d even be a point.

Then the world went and actually ended, which gave him a little perspective at least. It fell apart and the dead rose all around them. He’d done what he could to protect Rick even thought he was sure his best friend was dead then grabbed Lori and Carl and ran. He’d watched people kill get ripped apart, watched them turn, watched them kill themselves rather than face the changed world around him and somehow he’d found the will to keep going when a few weeks ago he’d thought losing his best friend would end him.

Slept with Lori because why not? Maybe he thought it was as close to Rick as he’d ever get again. Maybe it was some kind of revenge thing against a man who was no longer around, venting his frustration. Maybe he just needed the comfort, to be with a person and feel like at least some things were the same.

Except, of course, Rick came back. Came back and reclaimed his family and just like that Shane was Lori’s dirty secret just like he’d been Rick’s. Couldn’t even be happy his best friend was back from the grave and had managed to find them in the hellhole the world had become because he was so busy being shoved out by Lori, who couldn’t even act like they were still friends and instead treated him like so much trash. Too busy having control pulled away by Rick and regulated to sidekick again. Too busy having the rest of the camp looking at him like he’d done something wrong, as if he’d fucked his best friend’s wife knowing Rick was alive.

Or maybe they were just tired of following a jerk. Rick wasn’t as harsh as he was, was charismatic, charming, smart, kind, and easy to follow. He made decisions and people wanted to follow, wanted to be close, and wanted to please him. Shane understood all that, understood what it was like to be caught in Rick’s gravity and want nothing more than to do what he asked you to do. He’d spent a lot of years doing just that.

Wasn’t sure he wanted to keep doing it. Was thinking about leaving but was at the CDC instead, once again bending to Rick's will. After dinner and a shower he'd ended up sitting in a room tipping back a bottle into his mouth and enjoying the burn of alcohol on it’s way down while Rick stared him down, that small ‘what am I going to do with you Shane?’ smile fixed on his lips.

Shane wanted to punch it off of his face. Wouldn't, because Rick would like that, but wanted to. 

"We aren't fucking so if that's what you're here for you can leave." 

"You think that's what I'm here for?" Rick's smile dropped away.

Yes, that was exactly what he thought Rick was here for; he wasn't stupid and, in fact, knew Rick better than anyone else. But if Rick wanted to play this game he could play. "So what are you here for then Rick? Shouldn't you be with your w _ife?_ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: Daryl hears some stuff he shouldn't, Rick reflects on how he's trash, and Shane is having a awful day.  
> …*cough* Sooooo. I just kind of let the part write itself, focusing on ‘If Shane is also boinking Rick (This is my headcanon okay? Fight me.) why would he still lose his shit at the farm? Why would he sleep with Lori? What makes Shane Shane?’ And here we are. Also I like the idea that Shane is kind of damaged and teetering on the edge from the get go but thinks he’s completely functional.  
> I’ve got a few chapters of this done already, so I’m thinking if I keep to a once a week schedule I should be able to keep steady updates. I hope you're all buckled into for a disgustingly long ass story.


	2. Never Wanted to Leave you Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We get some Rick thoughts. You might find him more sympathetic as a result. Or...you'll find him even worse? Both? Why not both?

Daryl was a bit drunk. Not pissy drunk or so drunk he couldn’t still wander the halls of the CDC, bottle of vodka in hand, but lit enough that he swayed a bit and was thinking he needed to be looking for a place to sleep.

That was how he ended up outside of this particular room, listening to a conversation he knew he shouldn’t have been listening to.

“So what are you here for then Rick?” That was Shane, words deliberately slow and even like only a man who’d had a few drinks could manage. “Shouldn’t you be with your wife?”

There was a short bark of laughter; must have been Rick. Daryl knew they were supposed to be friends but he figured, what with Shane sticking it to Lori, that they wouldn’t be having any meaningful conversations anytime soon. Certainly not while they were alone together.

But maybe Rick didn’t know. Wasn’t like Daryl was about to tell him and he figured the others felt the same way. Unlike the others Daryl didn’t see any point in giving Shane shit for it though. He figured it took two to get down and he’d never heard anything about Lori protesting. In fact he’d seen the woman eyefucking Shane a time or two.

“Lori’s in the shower.”

“Maybe you should join her?” Shane suggested.

“Want to be here with you. That alright?” Rick’s voice changed, went low and questioning.

“Alright? Are...you’re serious.” Shane sounded dumbfounded. “You really think that’s how it’s gonna be? You just show back up, take charge of my people, take charge of me, and that’s fine? You think the world still works like that?”

“Yeah, I do.” There’s an edge to Rick’s voice that Daryl wouldn’t have expected from someone who seemed as soft as Grimes did. Then again the guy had handcuffed Merle to a fucking roof and left him there so clearly he had some kind of stones. Not just anyone could stand up to his brother and of those who did it was a small number that walked away to talk about.

But Grimes had gotten the better of Merle Dixon and now his brother was who knew where, missing his hand.

The anger that had been simmering in Daryl since Grimes had turned up in the camp was there, feeding off the alcohol and part of him wanted violence and blood as payment for what his brother must have gone through.

“I fucked Lori.” Shane said, jarring Daryl from his thoughts. Shane sounded almost gleeful as he spoke the words and Daryl could picture that cocky shit-eating grin and those brown eyes gleaming with smugness. “A couple times. After the outbreak.”

He reached for the doorknob, expecting the sounds of fighting to follow. He wasn’t sure what he actually intended to do but he wasn’t going to listen to anyone in his group, not even Walsh, getting his ass beat. Even if he deserved it.

You didn’t do that to your own and, for the time being, this group was all he had.

Instead of fighting or angry words there was laughter from Shane, a harsh and mocking sound.

“Are you actually upset? What do you think she’d say if she knew you were down here, trying to convince me to bend over for you? Think she’d be mad too?”

Daryl’s hand tightened around the knob. What the fuck? On second thought maybe he didn’t want to break up whatever the hell was going on in there; it sounded like it was some old fucked up shit that would be way over his head.   

The door flew open, wrenched from his hand hard enough to hurt, and he found himself peering up into annoyed blue eyes. Rick frowned at him, lines around his mouth deepening as he looked Daryl over carefully.

Shit. Had he made noise? Figured, he’d been able to creep around and hear things he shouldn’t without being found out his whole life but the one time he really really would have prefered not to be heard some backwoods cops found him out.

“Am I interrupting?” Daryl asked, leaning against the door frame and keeping his expression neutral. He’d be damned if he let Rick or Shane think he was bothered about being caught listening in. His heart was thudding in his chest and his brain was a little foggy, like it was wrapped in cotton, but he could feel the effects of the vodka receding.

“No.” Shane said and on reflex Daryl looked around Rick to find the other man. Shane was sitting on the bed in a pair of sweatpants, looking casual and unbothered, bottle of brown liquor in hand. His face was flushed and his eyes were red but Daryl knew right away that the other man was alert and on edge.

“You sure?” Daryl asked, inclining his head towards Rick. He didn’t bother being subtle, didn’t see much point in it.

“Rick was just leaving and you can come on in if you want. Long as you’re sharing.”

Rick’s eyes flickered between them. “That right?”

“Go find your wife.” Shane snapped, casual mask slipping to show his anger.

The already tense air in the room ramped up a notch as Rick stared at Shane, uncertainty on his face. Then he smiled, a small flash of teeth that made Daryl wary. He was careful to stay statue still and not touch him but he could see the anger in his movements, practically scent it in the air between them as Rick moved past him and out the door.

“Have a good night then. You too Daryl.”  And then he was gone, ambling down the hallway.

“You got shit taste Walsh.”

The tension cracked.

“You have no idea.” Shane snorted darkly. “So, you just gonna stand there, holding the door open?”

He frowned, rocking back on his heels and casting a look down the hallway anxiously. “I...I should go. Gotta find a room.”

He hadn’t given any thought to actually coming in or anything. Wasn’t like he and Shane had ever gotten along or anything. Sure he’d allowed him and Merle to stay at the quarry but that was more mutual need; they’d need a camp and the help other people could provide and Shane had needed their skills at hunting and trapping.

Weren’t friends or nothing.

Didn’t care that all along Shane’s girl had been someone else's and that Shane was, apparently, also sleeping with that someone else. It was weird as all hell, but people were weird, and unexpected since he hadn’t taken Walsh for a fag.

Not that he knew any personally, just knew what his dad and Merle had told him, but the images of weak womanly men didn’t jive with Shane. The older man was tough but more than that he was a mean sonofabitch and seemed to have hit the end of the world on his feet and running, more so than anyone else in the quarry.

“Well,” Shane rolled to his feet and all too fast was in Daryl’s space, smelling like rum, soap, and mint. “You could stay in here tonight. Other rooms are probably taken.”

Daryl hesitated; he didn’t want to retreat, hated backing down from anything, but Shane’s eyes were strangely soft and thoughtful and it made the hair on his arms rise up and his heart start to beat faster.

“I don’ know what you're thinking but I’m not no fag. Not gonna replace your boyfriend.”

“No, I expect not.” Shane smirked then leaned in, bringing his face dangerously close to him. The mint and alcohol smell was stronger now, invading Daryl’s nose. He felt dizzy, like he had before when he’d been walking the hallways. Shane’s fingers brushed his own, surprisingly gentle, and eased the bottle away.

“Don’t mean you can’t stay.” He eased himself back onto the bed and took a pull from the vodka bottle. “Just drinking. No harm in it. Couch and extra blankets over there.”

Daryl bit his lip, eyes sliding from the two bottles Shane now held up the man’s bare chest, to lips quirked upwards, the crooked nose, and dark brown eyes. Daryl’s stomach lurched.

“Fine.”  He grabbed a chair from the small table in the corner of the room and dragged it over to the cot. He sat and swung his legs onto the bed, drawing a noise of approval from the other man, then held his hand out. The rum bottle was passed over.

\--------

He watched Daryl stumble out of the room Shane had spent the night in. Frowned at the anger the sight caused in him and only just kept himself from reacting when Daryl looked down the hall at him, eyebrows climbing up before the younger man snorted and walked off. He considered going down and trying to talk to Shane again but in the end thought better of it. They wouldn’t talk, he knew that. He’d ask about Daryl staying the night and Shane would respond in that casually cruel way he always did when they were fighting and Rick would get mad and they’d end up coming to blows or in bed.

Probably both and he didn’t have time for that.

He needed to get back to Lori and Carl; they’d dressed and headed off to see about food and he knew if he took too long Lori would have something to say about it.

Lori had, when they were growing up, been the loud annoying girl down the street. She’d grown into a pretty but still loud and annoying teenager and honestly he’d always liked that about her. She spoke her mind, demanded what she wanted, never took no for an answer, and could wrap people around her fingers with ease. She was used to pulling strings and getting her way. He’d never had a problem indulging her, maybe even liked having someone he could take care of and protect without people questioning him.

He supposed she’d reminded him of Shane a bit and it was telling that the woman he’d decided to settle down with had been so like the man he knew he could never settle with. People had expected things of him, things that didn’t involve running off and playing house with his male best friend, and he’d done his best to go along with it.

He hadn’t been fair about it. He’d married Lori because she was pregnant and she’d deserved better than that. He loved her because she was a close friend and the mother of his son but she should have had better. He kept her at a distance, didn’t want her to see all the things about himself that he fought to keep hidden, and it had eaten away at their relationship until she was questioning whether or not he even cared.

He cared, but not the right way and had been guilty and angry that she was starting to see through him.

He hadn’t been any better to Shane, had been worse actually. He knew, had known, that his relationship with his friend was toxic and unfair. When they were teenagers he told himself it was fine, that they were just horny and figured fooling around with each other was an easy means to an end. But somewhere along the way he’d known there was more than that to it. You didn’t just sleep with your best friend and expect there to not be emotions there.

He’d always liked Shane a little too much for his own good when he looked back on it. Even though his mother had hated Shane and his father had always been on the lookout for any sign that his friend was like his parents and even though so many people asked how he could be friends with someone so mean, so violent, and so heartless. He’d seen all those things in Shane, yes, but to him that had just been part of who his friend was.

Shane fit him better than anyone else ever had, knew him inside and out, good and bad, but stayed by his side anyway. Even though Rick pulled him in and pushed him away constantly, even though he was a jealous and selfish asshole who’d always pretended to be fine that Shane had other people but all but demanded Shane end the one serious relationship he’d ever had.

He’d told himself over and over that Shane could have said no, could have stayed in school with his boyfriend and told him to fuck right off but...but Shane never told him no, not really.

Shane had kissed him first but it was Rick who’d gone and sought his friend out after, had escalated things, had taken the next steps. It was him who had kept things going even though he had girlfriends and wouldn’t let Shane back away when he’d started dating Lori.

He’d talked about it plenty but in the end he couldn’t. Couldn’t give up Lori because his parents had been planning that wedding and a life surrounded by grandkids and he was supposed to be a cop and all of these...things had been hanging over him. Shane had, since they were kids, been the only ripple in the plan he was following. The only part of his life that wasn’t set up just so, that defied expectations, and he’d loved Shane for that.

Really he was selfish. He could dress it up, had dressed it up, but that was it when he got down to it. He could have lived his life differently but hadn’t wanted to risk the way his parents treated him and the way others regarded him as a good person who always did just the right thing and rose to all expectations. People listened when he talked, followed without thought, and he knew if he had chosen to be with Shane, really with Shane, he would have lost all of that in an instant.

So he hadn’t.

Now he had a chance to finally stop what he was doing. He could just be with his wife, start over with her like she was so willing to do, and let Shane move on. Rick knew that if he did that it would be fine in the end; Shane would stay his best friend and with work his marriage could be as good as anything could be these days. But all he wanted was to walk down the hall and into that room and remind Shane that he belonged to him, had belonged to him since they were little kids and tell him that he needed him more than ever. That they needed each other. Everyone else was gone now, that plan he’d been following didn’t have to be what he stuck to, maybe now things could be different between them.

But Lori was still here and Carl was still here and Rick was grateful for that, grateful for what Shane had done in protecting his family, but in a way he wished it was different and he felt horrible for it.

He rubbed a hand over his face then pushed off of the wall he’d been leaning against. He was sure everyone else was already in the cafeteria and he needed to get there as well before Shane came out and caught him skulking around the hallway.

 

\------

 

Shane was having an exceptionally shitty day. He’d woken up with a hangover like he hadn’t had since he was in college, Rick had knocked him on his ass in front of their little group of misfits and he’d felt the shift of respect and power in the air, they’d lost Jacqui, and whatever hope the CDC had offered had gone up in literal flames.

Didn’t matter that the CDC had been Rick’s idea and nearly gotten them all blown to hell and that Shane had only drawn his gun in an attempt to get them out or that Rick’s response had been, at least a little, about Shane blowing him off the night before; what everyone saw was that he’d lost his cool and Rick had been the one to step up and talk them out without violence.

It was, really, the same as it’d always been. Whole world comes crashing down around his ears and yet he’s still the one who’s unhinged and watched like he might snap at any moment while Rick was reliable, calm, and the one everyone else followed without question. He should have been used to it, was used to it, and yet he’d hoped for something different. Had something different for a little while.

They were stopped for the time being on the outskirts of the city, had pulled into a large garage and driven up to the top level to pitch the tents for the night. In the meantime they were all crammed in the RV, talking about what they needed to do next. They’d just decided on what vehicles were worth taking on the trip to Fort Benning.

His jeep hadn’t made the cut so once they were ready to leave for good he’d have to leave it and wasn’t that just the shit icing on top of everything else? He loved that thing and while he saw the point in using the gas for larger vehicles he also thought taking Dale’s old ass gas guzzling RV was literally the stupidest shit he’d ever heard. He kept it to himself though, could see no one would be backing him up on that after what had happened.

“We should scout around. From what I can tell all the walkers are still heading towards the CDC, chasing that noise.” Rick was saying, bringing Shane back to the matter at hand. “We need to use this time to see what we can find for the trip down to Fort Benning.”

There were nods all around, save Andrea who was still staring off into space blankly. She’d been quiet since Dale had brought her out of the CDC and no one seemed to want to get close, as if afraid one wrong word would send her screaming over the edge.

Shane got it, that desire to just let go and be done. The idea of being torn limb from limb and eaten alive didn’t exactly appeal to him either and there was nothing wrong with not wanting to deal with that eventually, far as he could tell at least. Living at all costs, no matter what was going on around them, wasn’t everyone’s style.

“We should go in groups.” Rick continued and Shane sighed as blue eyes flickered over to him. “Carol and Lori will stay here with the kids.”

Carl made a noise of protest but a sharp look from his mother stopped the usual demand to be allowed to go along and help.

“I’ll take Korea and Officer Trigger Happy.” Daryl said, seemingly oblivious to the way everyone else winced and shifted uncomfortably. Shane tilted his head to the side and smirked.

“Officer Trigger Happy? That the best you got?”

“Don’t need to be creative long as it’s true.” He turned away from them and started for the door. “Grab your stuff so we can go. Don’t know how long the dead fucks are gonna be chasing after that smoke.”

Glenn raked a hand through his hair then clambered out after Daryl, muttering what sounded like ‘oh great, alone with the crazies’. Shane cast a look at Rick, took in the man’s sour expression, and shook his head before heading after the two younger men.

He was digging around in his jeep, quickly consolidating his bags so he’d have something to carry whatever they scavenged up in, when he saw Lori making a beeline for him. He bit back a sigh as he turned to face her fully.

“What you need?”

Her expression was pinched and nervous. “What happened back at the CDC, that little...freak out? If you’re going to be flying off the handle-”

“Flying off the handle?” He repeated. “He had us locked in, ready to burn us all to ash-”

“And you were going to shoot him, shot those computers while you threw your little temper tantrum and scared everyone. If Rick hadn’t been there to stop you who knows what you might have done. You could have gotten all of us killed.” She crossed her arms over her chest and squared her shoulders as if to steel herself. “If that’s how you’re going to be you just...need to stay away from me and Carl.”

He blinked at her dumbly. She’d already made it pretty clear that they were done messing around and he wasn’t surprised by that; Rick was back and she’d never shown any interest in him before so there was no reason for it to continue now. He wasn’t under an illusion that she’d cared about him as more than a friend but rather needed a distraction, same as anyone else. More than that Lori Grimes was pragmatic; she’d known Shane was her best chance at protection and she’d done what she’d thought she had to in order to ensure he stayed.

He would have stayed no matter what but she didn’t seem to know that (and didn’t that sting just a bit?) and he’d never been above accepting sex from a pretty woman trying to get something from him. He’d ripped up a few traffic tickets and agreed to not haul someone’s kid down to the station once or twice in his time. Always figured he didn’t have much to offer beyond sex, questionable morals, and perks of his job so there was no harm in it.

Still, even knowing Lori as well as he did, even with how she’d started giving him the cold shoulder the minute Rick had come back, he hadn’t seen this coming.

“What? You and Carl...you’re my family.”

She winced, green eyes darting away from him. “No, Shane, we’re Rick’s family.” He almost snapped back that there wasn’t a fucking difference but she continued on. “I’m Rick’s wife and Carl is his son, not yours. And I’d appreciate you not saying anything to Rick about us. It didn’t mean anything.”

He stared at her, words failing him for a long moment. She shifted, looking more and more nervous with each passing moment. Finally he shook his head. “I know what this Lori. It ain’t about the CDC, it’s about you not wanting Rick to know and pretending like nothing happened between us.”

She opened her mouth then hesitated, eyes sliding to look at something behind him. Lori took a step back. “Remember what I said.”

And then she was gone, walking back to the RV where Rick, T-Dog, and Andrea were standing and talking.

“She’s something.”

Shane glanced over his shoulder to find Daryl standing a few feet away, staring after Lori. He nodded then scooped up the bags he’d emptied out.

“Believe it or not that’s part of what Rick likes about her.”

“I believe it.” An amused half smile quirked his lips. “Man has a type.”

Shane rolled his eyes but allowed himself a small smile. “Well now you’re just bein’ mean.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter: Shane, Daryl, and Glenn wander around, making conversation and achieving very little in the grand scheme of things.


	3. I'll be Needing Stitches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Daryl keeps telling himself he doesn’t care and isn’t thinking about it and isn’t talking to Shane about it...and does those things anyway. Glenn gives us some deep insight into levels of gay, as observed by Glenn

Following Glenn through the city was a surreal experience. The younger man lead the way, gave them direction, and even scolded them as they progressed through the streets. He wasn’t used to taking orders from anyone but Merle and their dad and Glenn sure as hell wasn’t like either of the elder Dixon’s. The opposite, really. If his daddy could see him now, ducking through allies, hiding around corners, and getting dressed down when he got distracted by something in a show window he would have whooped his ass (and probably beat the shit out of Glenn just on principal).

But Daryl knew that no matter how strange it felt it was for a reason. This, the city, was as much Glenn’s territory as the woods was Daryl’s. Glenn moved around easily, leading them down allies and scrambling up on walls and fire escapes to look around while they waited. He knew what places were picked over, which ones were worth looking at, and how to get around the occasional walker he spotted from his higher vantage points.

Glenn was clearly in his element and somehow looked at ease like they hadn’t all nearly died less than 6 hours ago. He had respect for the younger man; figured anyone who willingly came back into this overrun city on their own was deserving of that at least. He asked a fuckton of questions, and was always around, watching everyone else as if cataloging everything about them and as annoying as it was when he was focused on you Daryl could see the value in Glenn’s behavior.

He was one of the least annoying members of the group. Daryl would have said Shane was the least irritating but he had a feeling that would be changing.  

Shane had been looking troubled since they’d left the parking garage. Daryl told himself to not pay much mind to the older man, figuring he was all fucked up about the shit Lori had been giving him and dark angry looks Rick had been shooting him all day.

None of Daryl’s business and, frankly, calling dibs on Shane for this little scouting trip was already more involved in the situation than he should have been. Wasn’t his place to be running interference between Walsh and his boyfriend, or whatever Rick actually was to him, and he was sure nothing good would possibly come of it.

They’d found a store that looked promising, a drug store that still had the steel security door locked and in place, which seemed to suggest that it might be untouched and, hopefully, walker free. Glenn had sent them back across the street and into an alley to watch the street for threats while he worked out an alternate route inside. Glenn had run off after that and they’d been waiting ever since, the minutes ticking by slowly.

He could tell that Shane didn’t like it. The other man kept shifting and rubbing a hand through his hair, eyes dark and anxious. Daryl didn’t care for the situation either; it felt like they were exposed and just asking for some walkers to creep up on them.

Smoke was still billowing up from where they’d been, blotting out the sky in that area, and last time Glenn had gone up to look the bigger groups were still shambling towards the explosion site, a lucky break for them. If you could call the CDC exploding, Jacqui staying behind, and Dale having to drag Andrea out to keep her alive could be called luck.

Daryl was starting to think he might have actually been better off on his own than with these people. They were too focused on things that weren’t not getting eaten alive and that made him nervous. He was with them, in spite of what had happened with Merle, because he believed in safety in numbers and having people to watch his back but did he actually want these people watching his back?

People brought too much fucking drama, all of them. Even Merle had been full of drama with his pills, his libido and constant flirting with any unattached woman around, and his temper nearly getting them tossed out of the quarry camp a time or two and no matter Daryl had insisted he just needed to be cool until they left the group behind there had been...issues.

Issues tended to follow his brother.

Tended to follow people. Being alone would be easier. Not as safe, but incredibly simple.

Shane leaned against the stone wall and looked up, putting his hands over his eyes to shield them from the sun. “Guess I should say thanks.”

Daryl looked over at the other man, trying to gauge if it was as hard for Shane to say those words as it sounded like it was; the older man didn’t strike him as the sort of person to thank other’s easily. Judging by the tension lines around his mouth and eyes the answer was yes.

“Don’t.” He muttered. “Just don’t want any lovers spats breaking out, shits bad for the group. Don’t care what you and the Grimes’ get up to. Don’t care who none of ya’ll fuck.”

Shane’s laugh was a short huff with no real humor behind it. “It ain’t like that man.”

Daryl wanted to ask what it was like, curious in spite of himself. Shane had been tightlipped the night before and he knew he should be grateful that the other man wasn’t the sort of guy who got wasted and then spilled his guts because he didn’t want to know...but he was curious. Kind of.

How did a man end up sleeping with not just the wife but the husband too? There had to be some kind of fucked up story behind all of that.

“It’s done and over with, I mean. No fun in being between those two.” Shane’s eyes caught his and he was stricken by the earnest gleam to them, like the older man was begging him to believe him.

Daryl snorted. Shane’s eyebrow rose questioningly and, even though he knew he should just wave it off and be done with it, he responded. “Don’t seem like Rick is done with you is all.”

The older man’s expression froze then closed off as he turned back to look out at the street. “Rick’s never known how to let go of his toys. Been like that since he was six.”

He sounded tired all of a sudden, looked it too, like it was a talk he’d had many times before and wasn’t looking forward to having again. That was fine, Daryl didn’t want to know about the inner workings of Rick Grimes and all that. Wasn’t sure what he thought about the man just yet; he had a way about him that screamed ‘leader’ and he clearly knew how to talk himself out of shit situations, which was a valuable skill, but Daryl wasn’t sure what all that meant just yet.

The fact Rick had left Merle handcuffed and desperate still weighed heavily on his mind. Oh, he knew Merle was a dickhead, at best, and near impossible to handle when he was high but still...a man didn’t just chain up another man like an animal.

Wasn’t right.

“You don’t seem like the sort to be no one’s toy.” He said finally. And he meant that. Shane was all confidence, swagger, bullshit, and a fast temper wrapped up in smug smiles and threats of violence he could probably back up. Nothing about him indicated he’d let someone ‘play’ with him. He seemed more likely to be the only doing the playing, honestly.

Shane didn’t look back at him, just shrugged disinterestedly. “The guy I dated in college would disagree.”

He wasn’t sure what he found more surprising, that Shane was the sort of guy to ‘date’ (he seemed a little too comfortable with quickies in the dirt and sneaking around for that) that he’d dated a guy or that he said it so easily, like it meant nothing at all and wasn’t the sort of thing that might get you beat within an inch of your life where Daryl had grown up.

Before he could give any of it any real thought, which he shouldn’t have been doing anyway because nothing good came with getting too deep into other people’s bullshit and wasn’t that why he’d kept his life free of other people, he spotted Glenn across the street waving at them and looking far too pleased with himself.  

They darted across the street and followed Glenn around to the back of the building where a door was wedged open with a piece of wood. They filed in, Glenn nudging the wood aside and letting the door shut after them.

There was a body, a woman by the looks of it, slumped over on a desk, exposing the gaping hole that had once been the back of her skull, and a spray of blood and brain matter on the floor behind her. Daryl put a hand over his nose, fighting down the urge to recoil at the smell.

Shane glanced at the body as he walked past. “Smartest one in the room.”

Glenn, who was flipping a lock into place, cringed. “Has anyone ever told you that you you’re really inspiring? Like really good for morale?”

Shane was already leaving the office and walking down a dim hallway but Daryl could see him holding up a single finger. Glenn made a noise that was almost a laugh before frowning guiltily at the body. Daryl shook his head.

“Doubt she cares if you’re laughing.”

“Yeah but...I don’t know.” He frowned even harder while pulling his hat off his head. He started twisting it, a gesture Daryl had seen enough to know it meant Glenn was nervous. “Seems wrong.”

“You cleared the place?” Daryl asked while heading for the door, crossbow out in front of him just in case. He was sure Glenn had done his best to make sure there were no walkers around, wasn’t like the kid had a death wish, but he also didn’t trust anyone's ability to check out all the dark corners and hiding spots aside from his own and Merle’s.

Shane clearly wasn’t so inhibited; when Daryl hit the end of the hallway he could see the older man frowning at a refrigerator case, clearly deep in thought.

“Yeah. She must have been the only person in when she brought the front gate down. I came in through the roof and don’t even ask how that went.” Glenn said, voice pitched low as he followed Daryl. “It was hard, okay? Really hard. I had to climb up a dumpster then knock out an air vent cover and climb into the vent and then that door back there was boarded up from the inside so I had to yank out the nails and-”

“It’s a good thing you didn’t ask.” Shane said wryly.

“Seriously.” Daryl agreed, smiling slightly at Glenn’s annoyed huff, before heading down one of the aisles. He dropped a few rolls of duct tape and rope into his bag then moved on to the aisle that boasted snacks and canned goods. He could see Shane tossing water bottles into his own bag and Glenn was fussing around back where the drugs were.

He dumped bags of jerky, dried fruit, and trail mix into his bag, figuring they’d get more mileage out of that stuff, as far as bag space and weight went, than cans of creamed corn and vienna sausages.

“Not a real pharmacy.” Glenn announced, sidling up next to him. “Just over the counter stuff but I grabbed some anyway and oh, cereal.”

“Take it out the boxes. Saves space.” Daryl said absently while scanning the shelves for what else would be useful. Well, it’d all be useful but what would make the most sense considering they had to walk back to the parking garage and only have 6 bags between them.

He moved slightly to the side to avoid the boxes Glenn was tossing haphazardly into a pile on the floor, eyes drifting over the candy bar display. He wasn’t big on sweets or, rather, had never really had a chance to be. They’d barely had food when he was growing up outside of what they could manage to kill and bring back and sure as hell hadn’t been money for candy and stuff like that. His mom hadn’t been one of those tv mom baking types (woman could barely stay sober long enough to heat up soup) and…

Shane leaned against the shelves next to him. “I had no idea what kind of candy to get was such an involved process.”

Daryl rolled his eyes then went to move on, figuring the protein bar display would be a better bet anyway. Grabbing candy when he could use the space for actual food was just stupid. Something a little kid would do, really, and Daryl had never been a kid.

What they really needed to do was lock up behind them and come back and try to pick the place as clean as they could before someone else did or the dead freaks got in.

Something hit him in the side of the face, plastic crinkling irritatingly, then fell onto the floor with a muffled thud. He looked down at it as Glenn inhaled sharply. A snickers bar. A look up at Shane found the man smiling at him in a manner that could only be described as ‘shity’. Daryl glared back and Shane’s smile only grew.

“You risk your neck you can bring back whatever the fuck you want.”

“What? You always told me to stick to the list.” Glenn muttered. Shane glanced down at where he was sitting on the floor, surrounded by empty cereal boxes, and Daryl could see Glenn turning pink. “Nevermind.”

“Better things to grab.” Daryl said, tone clipped, as he turned his back to Shane. This time he heard the crinkle of the wrapper and managed to avoid getting smacked in the head by the second Snickers bar. “What the fuck?”

“I hear these are good.” Shane said and Daryl could practically feel him reaching for another candy bar.

“You hear that from your boyfriend or something?” He snapped back because he’d always had a nasty habit of saying whatever he thought would hurt or piss off a person the most when he felt like he was being fucked with.

It was something he’d learned from his father.

Shane breathed out slowly and when he looked over his shoulder to see if he needed to be ducking a fist he found the older man’s head was cocked to the side as he looked at Daryl through his lashes, brown eyes impossibly dark in the gloom of the store. “No. He was more of a fruit smoothie after sunrise yoga kind of person.”

He didn’t respond and instead focused on shoving nuts and protein bars into his bags, resolutely not looking back at the other two men.

“You had a boyfriend?” Glenn asked after a long silence. Daryl bit back a sigh; fucking great. Glenn wouldn’t just let it rest, of course.

“You interested in the position?” Shane asked easily, not missing a beat. Said it like it was nothing, like it was the most normal thing and he didn’t care at all. Probably didn’t care. Probably thought Daryl’s attempt to get under his skin was funny. Probably laughing at him in his head.

He chewed on his thumb, eyes narrowing slightly. Whatever. Fuck Shane anyway. Wasn't like Daryl was the one in the middle of some kind of weird gay married sex triangle shit, who cared what the fuck that guy thought because at least Daryl had his shit together.  _  
_

“Dude. Gross.” Another long beat with only the sounds of footsteps and breathing as they moved away from each other, spreading out to see what else there was, and Daryl stupidly thought that would be the end of the conversation. Stupid because _Fucking Glenn._

“Smoothies and morning yoga? Really? That is...incredibly gay, actually. More gay than gay sex level gay, you know?”

Daryl found Shane’s answering laugh more annoying than anything else he’d heard all day, which was saying something because Jenner’s reasoning for forcing them all to stay put and wait to be incinerated had been pretty grating.

“I knew a guy who was into yoga and he was super gay.”

Daryl amended his earlier thought. Glenn was the most annoying thing he’d heard all day.

 

\----

 

They trudged back to the parking garage, making it just as the sun was setting, and found the other group already back and waiting. They added their haul to what everyone else had and, figuring his job was done, Daryl slunk off towards his truck. He considered taking down Merle’s bike so he could crash in the back but quickly decided it wasn’t worth the effort, especially since he probably wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway.

He ended up leaning against the guardrail and looking out over the darkening city. He could see little patches of movement, walkers shambling about aimlessly, and couldn’t help but wonder if his brother was down there among them.

He wanted to believe he wasn’t, that somehow Merle could really cut off his own hand, close off the wound, and walk away none the worse for wear because if anyone could manage something like that it was his brother but...But.

He heard Shane coming and was turning around, arms crossed over his chest when the older man stopped next to him. He didn’t say anything, just put his hands on the rail and leaned forward, brow furrowing as he looked around. Daryl shifted, finding the silence uncomfortable in ways he normally wouldn’t have.

“You want something?”

“Rick wanted me to let you know that they went by ‘the nursing home’. Overrun.”

Daryl cursed and shook his head. It wasn’t surprising, the place hadn’t been that well fortified and keeping a bunch of old people who could die at any moment around probably wasn’t the most solid of ideas when dying meant getting back up and ripping people to shreds but...it wasn’t right. He drew the pack of cigarettes out of his back pocket; he’d spotted them at the store and had grabbed a few, unable to help himself. Besides if he hadn’t Shane probably would have started throwing those at him too. He knocked one out and brought it to his face feeling better almost as soon as it was touching his lips.

He caught Shane’s questioning look and rubbed at the back of his neck anxiously. “Some guys were holed up there, looking after the old folks. Stupid assholes, mostly, but decent enough.” No reason to mention the part where they’d kind of beaten Daryl’s ass. “Rick left them some of the guns.”

Which he’d hopefully managed to get back and Daryl refused to feel guilty about thinking that. Couldn't afford to leave guns and ammo just sitting around.

He looked down at his lighter, thinking of the group, of their reluctant leader who had stayed behind to protect the place when everyone else had run off and abandoned it in hopes of finding safety. Wasn’t the sort of thing most people would do. “Fucked up though.”

“Everything is fucked up.” Shane’s fingers were tapping against the metal of rail as he spoke. “You get cancer we’re leaving your ass in the middle of the road.”

Daryl jerked his gaze up to find the older man was still looking out over the city, face blank of all emotion. He rolled his eyes, knot that had been forming in his throat easing just slightly. “How the fuck would you know if I had cancer anyway?”

Shane shrugged carelessly. “Just saying.”

“Whatever.” Daryl lit the cigarette, glaring at Shane defiantly as he did so. Shane didn’t say anything, just leveled a condescending look at him before heading off in the direction of his jeep.

He stayed, smoked 2 more cigarettes, mind settling into pleasant blankness at the feel of of them in his mouth, pressed against his tongue, and the acrid smoke swirling in his lungs. He snubbed out the last one, figuring it might be awhile before he snagged more so he best stop before he was stuck without again, and hopped into his truck. Then paused, staring at the dashboard where someone had set a bright yellow wrapped candy bar and a bottle of water. He snatched up with more violence than was probably warranted and was seriously considering whipping it at Shane’s jeep.

_Asshole_

Ended up eating it instead while glaring into the growing darkness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would you believe me if I said this actually did move the plot along? Honest it did. Cause somethingsomethingoralfixationsomethingwhat?  
> I don't know why Shane is always giving Daryl food in my stories. Someone should ask him about that. It's weird.  
> And I was asleep when I posted this. Hardcore stealth editing it to make it actually readable.  
> Next Chapter: ROAD TRIP! ...no? Okay then. Rick thinks about the grand canyon, Shane gives a lot of thought to beating up Glenn, and Sophia remains unfortunate. Daryl and Rick probably get to gut a zombie, depending on chapter length.


End file.
